An incoherent writer and her muse!

“Let them into your head. Let them see what goes into a writer’s mind”, a friend (rather my muse) told me. I cringed at the word “writer”. I am not a writer just because I write. A writer, almost always makes some sense, even through his ramblings. And strikes a chord, just about every time. I fail miserably at both.

But I will let you in, in my dysfunctional, disarrayed, discombobulated head, lacking every bit of coherence. A maze of absolute chaos.Armed with new motivation, I switched my laptop back to life. (Yes, although I love using a pen and paper, but Thesaurus has spoilt me rotten!)
File-->Open---> NewBlank Document
Staring at the Blank page.
Fingers on the key board, alert and fidgety.
Trying vigorously to think.
Mind absolutely blank.
Close--->Do you want to save changes on document 25?---> No.

I have been doing this for the past one hour. Unnaturally restless and yet completely impassive. Normally I like the antithesis that I dwell in, always oscillating between contrasting thoughts, moods and emotions. There are just so many stray thoughts running amok, but when I try to pen them down, string them into words, they pull a Houdini on me. An oasis in the desert. I just hate these tricks the mind plays. Mind games are for teenagers, in their post-puberty days, unleashing their dark, manipulating side.

Mind games, oh, how we just love to hate them! But then mind games were fun too! Or as Reese Witherspoon says in Legally Blonde, “Bend and snap!” And yes, it does work!The ‘hot and cold’ approach is undoubtedly the most foolproof approach! Many a hearts have hopped onto this trampoline, soaring high, and then hitting rock bottom, just to fly high again! What an adrenaline rush, and what an ebbing damper.

We used it the most in college, those teething days! Nostalgia sets in, oh those (in)glorious college days! Cutting lectures, college canteens, ogling at seniors, (hoping) to get noticed, the special college days, excruciatingly annoying Profs ---Those were the best days of our lives!

And then just as Bryan Adams wrote in the song, we graduate to then find jobs, make our career and find true love (or should it be the other way round—‘find our careers, and ‘make’ true love??!!)! With marriage, kids and a perfect family, close at heels! It’s so sappy, I am sure my muse will be choking by now. Oh no, I have derailed from my ‘soul searching journey’.

Ok, back on track. Lost the thought.This is exactly how life is: hot and cold! Bend and snap! An array of conflicting emotions, disjoint episodes and random thoughts. A complete lack of coherence! Just the way I love it!
Signing off for now…
Yours incoherently,
The writer (cringe!)

-Heta Shah,Guest Writer, Bespoken Words Team